WELL, there goes another one.
Annum, that is.
Yet rather than review a woeful 2011, charging like a runaway train towards the tunnel marked “Oblivion”, let’s cheer ourselves up and forecast how we could have a happy 2012.
For starters, eradicate the Fox Eradication Taskforce, exclude the Social Inclusion Commission, discriminate against the Anti-Discrimination Commission and send the Children’s Commissioner out to play (without pay).
All that won’t balance the state budget but it may provide a few more cops and nurses.
Now, get Opposition Leader Will Hodgman to cheer up a bit – Premier Lara Giddings smiles even on “bad news” days.
On the tele recently, Hodgers was going on about state health budget cuts and, while he grasps the concept that “an opposition’s job is to oppose”, the task ahead is to turn that frown upside down.
Same goes for one of Greens leader Senator Bob Brown’s extraordinary mannerisms.
Mindbogglingly described by a Senator Brown disciple in Hobart’s daily newspaper last week as having “a selflessness that can’t be matched by any other modern day politicians” (plus a totally puke-making “I thank Dr Bob for his love of us all”), the rest of us are hypnotised, nay intimidated, by his ability to get through an entire two-minute idiot box interview without blinking an eye.
Abandon the messianic stare Dr Bob, who knows, we may even love you back.
But wait, there’s more on the wish list, including –
A ban on newspaper correspondents committing pen to paper with phrases such as “I may be as thick as two short planks” (possibly), “In my book” (bet you don’t own one), “Wake up and smell the roses” (yep, that would be the natural order of things) and that hardy perennial “It’s not rocket science” when nothing is, really.
Let’s go for an embargo on “we’re all doomed” global warmists with outrageous claims that temperatures around the world will rise by 2 degrees within a century, Pacific islands are sinking, polar bears drowning, and claims we must clean up the planet “for the sake of our grandchildren and great-grandchildren” – all right, but only if they promise to clean up their rooms first.
Could we see a bid by Greens politicians to act in accord with their convictions and gather fewer frequent flyer points while video-conferencing more . . . what do you reckon, Bob, Christine?
Give House of Assembly Speaker Michael Polley a ministry so he’s accountable to his electors.
Cancel Earth Hour next March so folks don’t drive their four-wheel-drives all over town marvelling at how many lights are switched off.
Call an end to evangelist scaremongers, including 90-year-old US Bible-waver Harold (“it’s all in Hebrews 9:27-28”) Camping, who warned the world would end in May 2011. But, the world has gone on.
Nip the carbon tax in the power box so that electricity bills don’t go through the Pink-Batted roof.
Get the federal government to pledge no more fiascos including insulation, the carbon tax, set top boxes and $1 million school brick dunny blocks.
Build that darned four-lane Midland Highway.
Fire up the Tamar Valley pulp mill.
Get on with the Fingal Valley’s Hardrock coalmine, quickly, before some group of fevered environmentalists claim it as the home of a rare frog and indigenous persons reckon it’s a sacred site.
Ignore activists who claim any potentially job-creating project does not have a “social licence”.
Demand an explanation in 50 words or less from forest protest groups on what they want considering Tassie has the strictest tree-chopping regulations in the world.
Tell the Launceston City Council not to plant any more trees along Wellington Street – it will never look like driving through a forest no matter what urban planners reckon.
Now, sit back and watch 2012 unwind or, more likely, unravel.
This story Administrator ready to work first appeared on Nanjing Night Net.